Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Is It August Yet? *checks calendar* Dammit!

Since I am at heart a 13 year old girl, I can't help but fill out these stupid little questionnaires. Let me defend this first by saying it's like being fed lines for comedy. Second?'ll see.

Can you answer 48 questions about just 1 person?
Don’t change the friend half way through.

1) What’s their name?
Shelley "Two-Sheds" Leshin

2) Does he or she have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
Some guy who looks like the ugly love child of Frank Zappa and Bam Margera.

3)Do you get along with this person all the time?
I would never guessed I'd be saying this - especially if you had asked me in April 2007 - but...yes. We really do.

4) How old is the person?

5) Has he/she ever cooked for you?
A few times, baked chicken (delicious), tuna salad (sorry, but it just wasn't the way I liked it - yuck.), and many sandwiches. In all fairness, I have cooked for her, too.

6) Is this person older than you?
I am older by 22 days. With any luck I'll die 22 days after she does. Eat it.

7) Have you ever kissed this person?
Classy gentlemen don't kiss and tell. So HELL yeah, I DOMINATE them lips!

Once again, missing a question! Are these kids all hopped up on dope with their iPhones and their Hannah Montanas and all that bippity-boppity music they listen to? Guess it's up to me to write one...

8) How did you meet?
It was because of an errant piece of chalk. And yet, I don't know whatever became of it... The fact of the matter is that it was such a bizarre series of events that it only made sense that we're, you know, in love now.

9) Are you related to this person?
If I found out tomorrow that we were, unless she objected, I'd still be with her. Just no kids of our own.

10) Are you really close to him/her?
Can't help but smile as I type this: yes.

11) Nicknames?
Occasionally Dopey, Sleeping Beauty, or if I'm feeling Moe Howard-esque "chowder-head."

12.) Do they have a nickname for you?
Besides dumbass?

13) How many times do you talk to this person in a week?

14) Do you think they will repost this?
You know what? I hope so.

15) Could you live with this person?
We have...we aren't now...we won't this school year...but maybe someday again...

16) Why is this person your number 1?
Because Frank Zappa, George Harrison, Keith Moon, and Edie Sedgwick are all dead.

No, but seriously, take a look at me. I need to hang on to whoever comes my way! You really think girls who like The Residents, Monty Python, The Kinks, and know who Jimmy Carl Black is just grow on trees on some farm somewhere?! Show me that farm. SHOW ME THAT FARM!

For real seriously, we just care about each other. Neither of us can really explain it...those of you who read and regularly comment (this excludes Squalus, he/she must be out saving the world, one bad piece of after-the-fact advice at a time) have witnessed it...we just get each other. We click. It's sheer chemistry, and it has only grown stronger.

Dammit! No number 17? Once again...

17) Why wasn't there a number 17 on this survey?
Because all the youth of today are too stupid. They're all a bunch of discourteous, text-messaging, Taco Bell-patronizing little buggers! (I really don't know why. It sucks.)

18) How long have you known this person?
Hard to believe, but a few months shy of three years. Though it has felt like a lifetime in a good way.

19) Have you ever been to the mall with this person?
Yes. She had never held hands with a guy at the mall, so I obliged her and bought her a cherry phosphate, Captain Beefheart style.

20) Have you ever had a sleepover with this person?
Heh-heh, they asked a dirty question!

21) If you ever moved away would you miss this person?
Ideally, she would come with me...right?

22) Have you ever done something really stupid or illegal with this person?
Yes. The former just about every day, the comment.

23) Do you know everything about this person?
She is totally for me getting the quadratic formula tattooed on my arm. What else do I need?

24) Would you date this person’s siblings?
Jared seems nice, I'll be he's a cuddler. He just looks like he'd take you out to an upscale steakhouse, maybe go see a show, then have some wine by the fire...frankly, he's just too classy for me.

25) Have you ever made something with this person?
Other than a steaming heap of broken bottles? Some movies, which I shall shamelessly plug once more:

Insomniac Romance (2006)

The Banana (2006)

I Am Woman, Hear Me Whimper (2007) - Shelley did this virtually unassisted by me. I just ran the camera and let her edit on my computer.

26) Is your #1 on drugs?
She kind of looks like an un-tanned Amy Winehouse...who knows?

27) Have you ever worn this person’s clothes?
A hoodie or jacket, and that's about it.

28) Does this person wear your clothes?
She sleeps in one of my old t-shirts and changes into a pair of my boxers when it's too hot at my place.

29) If it was “freaky friday” would you switch bodies with this person?
Yes, though I'd spend most of the day squatting over a mirror.

36) Have you ever heard this person sing?
Yes, and I will be the first to tell you it is one of those things where you give and A for effort...

37) Do you and this person have a saying?
"Hey! Don't get caught with your dick the mashed potatoes this time!" Long story.

38) Do you know this persons facebook password?
Yes. I change her status from time to time.

39) Have you seen this person naked?
Never. *scoffs*

40) Have you and this person ever gotten into a fight that lasted more than 2 months?
Other than that time we got pinned down at Mekong Delta and we held our ground for three months (Forrest was there, too), no.

41.) Have you and this person gone clubbing?
Clubbing, as in baby seals? No. Clubbing, as in getting all hopped up on Quaaludes and painting the town red? Nightly.

42) Do you know how to make this person feel happy?
I do, I do.

43) Do you and this person talk alot?
Nah, not too much.

44) Do you like this person?
She'll do. (Seriously, like is too lame a word for what's going on.)

45) Has this person yelled at you?
We aren't without our quibbles.

46) Have you and this person got into a fist fight?
Never out of anger, like a play fight...though one time she accidentally racked my nuts.

47) Do you want to go out with this person?
Only if she's buying.

48) Do you want to be friends with them forever?
More than that. I want to buy her a piece of jewelry. They have those 25-cent rings at the grocery store - she'll never know the difference!

Wait, crap, SHE READS THIS!

At least I can change it before I press...


Squalus Maximus said...

At the risk of once again giving unappreciated advice - may I suggest you NOT tell Mark & Candace in Dallas about your "on again" relationship. You got lucky with Eric Sr. & Joyce...I wouldn't push it for a while.

The Squalus

Ms. Bitches said...

I had to read 16 twice. I literally melted my heart. Thank you.

And 24 made me roll on the floor laughing. I didn't know you thought about my brother much.

I feel like the most I've yelled at you is when I ask you to do your math homework or study for math. I mean, it is like a 2 hour period of me constantly yelling at you to get your ass to study!!! But I only do it because I care about you and REALLY want you to graduate.

Oh, and you'd BETTER believe that I'd find out about the 25 cent ring.

And who ARE you squalus?


m@ said...

Untanned Amy Winehouse

That is exactly what I needed on this super-tired, hard to get going Sunday morning.


And let's drop the Bruce Wayne meets Dr. Phil crap, squalus.