Saturday, June 14, 2008

Fan, This Is Shit. I Believe You Two Haven't Met Before.

From where we last left off, I'd sent a message to Nicole confronting her about stabbing me in the back. She sent me a LONG message in response:
"First off, I am glad you and Joel parted ways maturely.

Secondly, I think there are some pretty heavy misunderstandings here. I don't think you realize the uncomfortable position you had placed me in. At first I had decided I was going to quit when I initially spoke with you about it, but after some time to mull it over I decided to give practice another chance. (which if you recall I had actually asked you to do as well) It was at the next practice I realized things were suddenly clicking with Joel, Jeff, Davis, and I. I realized I still wanted to be a part of the group because creatively things were getting better for me.
At any point of the things you have discussed above I have not betrayed you as you say.
I meant everything I said when I said it. And I mean the things I say now. And I had a very lengthy conversation with Joel about my future with the band and I had pretty much told him he takes too much control. So I spoke with him about me, but never about you unless he brought it up. In my mind I considered it more of a betrayal to tell Joel what you were planning on doing, since you had asked me not to. I thought that I had expressed to you my desire to stay, but we haven't seen much of each other lately so I guess not.

I guess I don't think you have a reason to be angry, though I am sorry you are. As I said, it was not my place to tell Joel what you were feeling, so that is why I suggested he speak with you. He and I have been friends for years and I know how to best approach things with him, and since you weren't going to tell him anytime soon I was left in a very awkward position. He had said to me he thought you might quit, and being on your side (but considering Joel's feelings as well) I simply suggested we may need to find a new drummer. And this was not a comment meant to insult you or your capabilities, but as a way to plant a seed into Joel's mind that things may be ending with you soon and he should be ready.

There is no "oops' in this sitaution. I did the best to maintain my friendship with you and Joel, who are at odds with one another, both talking about eachother to me, but never with eachother. Don't you undesratnd how bad of a position that places me in? Yes Joel can annoy me, ect. ect., but in the end he has been there with me through alot, and that isn't the type of friendship I can just throw away because he makes me mad. That's why I spoke with him about my business with the band, but not yours, as it was not my place.

I don't think me keeping my mouth shut about your decisions and your business or me deciding to stay is in any way an act of betrayal. I decided to give it another shot and it worked for me. Does that mean our friendship is over? In my mind this is all a huge misunderstanding. But I truly feel that you are trying to wash your hands clean of anything relating to rumweed, and therefore me because I have decided to stay.

I do still want to work with you, I have never once not said that or meant it. I think we could do some great things together, but I honestly don't know how I feel about you. If anything, you have lied and deceived Joel, and I wonder if the same were to be in store for me if I were to work with you. I don't judge you on how you deal with people or approach situations, but not being upfront is kind of your style, but not mine.
Who knows what the future may bring, but if anything I am always upfront with you and everyone how I feel. It gets complicated when I have to be the middle man and gently coerce situations because people will not talk with each other.
If you have any more questions about the situation, let me know.

Best,
Nicole"

I let M@ read it, and he said, "I do have to say, had I not been familiar with the details unfolding in this situation I would have bought into her rhetoric. She phrases her case very well makes herself out to be a sort-of victim. She seems to have realized the mistakes she made and now is trying to squirrel her way out of it."

Here was my response to her:
"You are a liar, a hypocrite, and a coward. You probably weren't going to quit, you were just shit talking Joel like you do with EVERYONE. Well, now you can shit-talk me: fuck off!"

I'm guessing my new approach came across as a jarring one: she told me I was "real mature", to which I replied "And what's being a gossipy bitch?" Got nothing back from her.

Later on last night I got a text from her saying "Just to clarify I don't know what you are talking about, but it sounds like we are no longer friends. I just wanted to wish you luck - you are an awesome drummer and I think you'll" and it literally cuts off right there.

So yeah...I decided to clarify:
"Since you need clarification, here goes:
You knew EXACTLY why I "lied" and "deceived" Joel, so don't you dare suddenly take some sort of moral high ground on this. I lied to get my drums out of his house, saying I was taking them back to Seymour for an annual check-up at a music store. You told me yourself getting my drums out is a good idea, because if he didn't vandalize them he would try to keep them like he did with Haidar's guitar.

I lied this week when he asked me if I'd be available this weekend and said yes. Could I have said no without it turning into him asking what was going on? Because I had decided if he asked if everything was all right, or if anything was the matter I would have come perfectly clean and said on the spot that I was quitting the band.

Moreover, you weren't a "middle-man" between me and Joel. You were also talking to me about Joel. You were also "at odds" with Joel. You were also going to quit the band.

Get off the cross with this whole "difficult position" bullshit. You might have some obligation to Joel, or at least feel like you do, but I don't. Nor am I obligated to you.

You made it seem like you were tied to him in your message, a stark contrast from our last conversation about the band where you gave off the impression that you needed to be out of the band so you could express yourself.

If someone is pissing me off, I distance myself from them. That's what I did with Joel, and it dictated that I left the band as a result. If the music had been good, it might have been tougher to do. Since it wasn't, it was no problem.

But what really pissed me off is that you had told him you all may need to start looking for another drummer. And talk about a misunderstanding: I KNOW you weren't making a dig at my playing, what irked me was that you'd neglected to tell me that; I had to hear it from Joel.

You told me you had to "plant a seed into Joel's mind that things may be ending with you soon and he should be ready." I'd asked you not to mention it at all, and that Joel should hear it from me when the time was right - ONCE THE HENDRIX CLASS WAS SAID AND DONE. But no, you couldn't have just pleaded ignorance, you had some seeds to plant.

I expressed this in my text to you yesterday, but since you've decided not to quit the band and sold me out, I suspect you weren't even going to quit the band. You were just blowing off steam. It seems like when you blow off steam, you get it all out and use some pretty strong and suggestive rhetoric. The only mistake I made in all this was thinking I could confide in you as a friend.

Again, thanks. THAT was the betrayal of my trust. I had TRUSTED you to keep what we talked about between the two of us, and what happened? You didn't hint, you didn't suggest, you didn't imply - you TOLD him he might need to start looking for another drummer. Subtle.

It's one of my hugest pet peeves when people talk shit about someone and then act friendly - and not like "nice" or "cordial", that's just basic social grace, but to act like they're best buds - to their face. That's why I couldn't bring myself to act like nothing was wrong with Joel. You seem to have no problem with that with me, Joel, Joel's old roommate Tyler, whoever. And I want no part of that.

Who was it again who said, "I don't judge you on how you deal with people or approach situations..." and then turned around and DID IT with, "but not being upfront is kind of your style, but not mine." I was up front with Joel, telling him not to get too ahead of himself with the band, but he didn't listen - he instead had to blame it on how when the band doesn't practice he starts "scheming" things in his mind - and each time I've suggested he not put something in a song (which is ALWAYS inspired by something he has just heard, even if it means completely changing a song around) as a risk of having too much going on, he would go and do it anyway.

I was lured into this mess because he made it seem like he valued other people's opinions. After that incident where he blew off the lyrics he practically forced me to write on the spot, Shelley said to me afterwards, "Those lyrics were good, he wouldn't have done that if he wasn't threatened by you." After that point, not only did I know I had to get out, but I started observing Joel, and he was definitely acting like he had something against me.

He'll do it again with you, but you won't quit. You give off this bullshit vibe that you're fierce and independent...but you just aren't. You're remarkably insecure and dependent. It's as phony as Joel's genius facade, except you have nothing to be insecure about - you have both looks and talent, you possess one of the best singing voices I've heard, EVER.

Unlike Joel, you have real talent, and as such you have REAL potential, not pipe dream after pipe dream. His sense of self-doubt is well founded, and I wish he would give up and try something else, and this is coming from someone who sees both giving up and quitting as a cardinal sin. Leading up to me quitting the band I was unsure of whether or not I would/could do it, though I knew I should.

My hope now is that everything is clear. If not, re-read this message, because I don't think I could have been more clear.

I just can't believe you're the same person who said "I'd thought Overhand would have been good without Joel and Jeremy, much like I've thought Rumweed would be better without Joel." I guess I do have a problem with you staying on in the band. I wouldn't mind working with you - at all. In fact, I was LOOKING FORWARD TO IT, and it motivated me even more to quit! But since you haven't quit - I'm hoping I can say this - YET, I'm guessing you really think things will improve.

If you've completely deluded yourself in such a short time into believing Rumweed will be an ample creative outlet for you, both now and in the immediate future, and if you really think you'll be able to start playing your songs and just blow Joel over, then you are living in a fantasy land. Once you see things the way they are and not the way you really, really wish it was, I'll be around, and I would still want to work with you.

Alex"

The end of that message might seem a bit conciliatory, but it's true. Thinking I had someone with me boosted my confidence and like I said, motivated me to get the Hell out. I re-extended my offer for several reasons:
1.) This could either piss her off or actually speak to her and motivate her to quit and be more assertive.
2.) She may very well have been playing me all along to get me to quit - that's not escaped my mind, but I'm a conspiracy theorist.
3.) Note I didn't apologize for anything.
4.) I did make that offer immediately after accusing her of living in a fantasy land.

Sorry this blog has, for the last couple days, turned into a soap opera.
Alex

2 comments:

Shelley said...

You call it a soap opera, but interestingly enough, you are clearly trying to get OUT of the drama.

Everything you said was pure honesty. I was there when Nicole was speaking poorly of Joel and said she wanted to quit.

I think it is really amazing that you still complimented her talents. And I'd agree. She DOES have an amazing singing voice and she is good at the guitar. Again, this shows pure honesty.

You seriously did or said nothing wrong. All you did was get out of something you didn't want to be a part of and spoke the truth.

That's more than can be said about most people.


Peace.

forrest said...

Good job of keeping your cool, again. Most would have handled that with the sensitivity of a gang rape.